Confidence

I cashed in my last two Tuesday night league games, but still no victory. I am a little bumbed out by this. It honestly has made me re-evaluate my play. Why do I keep busting out? What hands get me in trouble? What hands would be the best for a given situation? The thing that really gets me is knowing the correct play, but not being able to pull the trigger. It's like I have some mental deficiency where I play weak...and I know it's a weak play when I am doing it. As soon as the hand is over I tell myself- You should have folded here. You should have pushed here. I should have called here. Who knows...maybe it's the second guessing that is killing me. I am not trusting my gut the way I should. Here is a perfect example:

I played in a new tourney this past weekend. It was a bigger buy in than I usually play. Let's just say that 1st place was paying out more than my entire bankroll. I sit at my table. I look around. I know exactly 2 people at my table. I have never played a hand with the other 7. The idiot to my left (lefty) had been playing really loose. He was not that good at all. He was coming into decent sized pots with weak hands and getting really lucky. So lefty min raises from under the gun there is a caller. I am in the BB and look down at a Ks7s. I decide to call (telling myself if I whiff on the flop I fold it). The flop comes out:

Jc 9d 7h

I flopped bottom pair. I check it. Lefty bets out. I sit calmly and watch his chips hit the felt, but in my head I am screaming to myself- "HE IS WEAK!! HE HIT NOTHING." It folds to me. I tell myself to re-raise big and push him out. I eyeball his stack. He has me dominated in chips. He just might be stupid enough to call me. That very next second is what killed me. I had the worst thought a poker player can have- I said to myself, "what if I'm wrong?"

Looking back on it, that one hand...actually that one thought is what screwed my for the rest of that tournament.I just gave up any and all confidence that I had in myself as a poker player.

I fold my bottom pair like a wuss. As I am mucking I tell him, "nice bluff." As he is mucking his cards he flashed them to me- 5c4c. I was right. He had no part of it. He would have had to go runner/runner to beat me.

At the time I didn't realize how much of an impact that decision had on my game, but over the last few days I am beginning to see just how enormous that was. I can't believe I didn't trust in myself.

Trusting my gut and my read is my number one goal for the next month of play. I will fix it. I will take a stand and trust my instincts.

As for the rest of the tourney: I made the final table just barely. I was nursing a short stack, and was resorted to just pushing. I hate that, but I did it to myself.

Just remember- Confidence is key to this game.